You do What??

This morning I got up early to set off on another adventure in fly fishing.  A cool brisk morning with high sun should yield 1 or 2 willing browns.  People often ask me 'why I fly fish?"  "Why don't you just use lures it seems easier?"   And, "it looks sooooooo expensive".  I like this one...."I would never do something that cost so much to just throw the fish back in the water." Well, let me tell you..
A couple of years a go Lori and I moved to this area after getting an opportunity to manage our own PT company.  We wouldn't be owners just partners.  It was without a doubt been the most emotionally stressful point in my life.  The job has gone to shit to the point were I had to get a part time job (in a fly fishing shop) just to cover weekend stuff so we don't have to sit in the house all of the time.  But most people would have gone off the deep end, strangled their spouse, packed up and left....any number of alternatives to what we have going on here.  So, instead of having the dream job we just have jobs.  Not something to get excited about just something to do to have a little income and some benefits in case one us comes down with a cold.  Well, we can have some disagreements and a little tif every now and again-we keep each other down and grounded.  We don't get to the "hate" phase of things.  We just go with it and take it in stride.  That's where using my multimillion dollar (not really)fly rod comes in handy.   Sure, the gear can be expensive-but it gets used-it gets broken-it is always dirty and sometimes I feel a tug at the end of the line.  But lets keep things in perspective.  I don't have multiple homes, no sports cars, no snowmobiles, no motorcycles, not even an in ground pool, hunting property, 4 wheelers, carbon fiber mountain bike etc.  We do have nice things but we work, earn, wait and then we get.

 I have a fly rod.


Oh, the fly rod.  See.  This whole work/moving change of life stuff has been enough to make a man cry at night, or bang my head off the counter top until the pain masks the agony of feeling, or argue with my wife and make her feel bad for whatever it is that day or drink until all I get out of the bottle is fumes.  But, in the end I don't do any of that.  I don't nurse a booze bottle until I fall asleep in mid sentence, I don't act out with violence or rage.  I don't go to church, I am not religious.  I don't believe there is a god or supreme being.  That is not for me....and maybe another blog idea.

I fly fish.  (I could also add mountain biking to this)

This morning I set out with the goal to score an 18" Brown Trout rich in its mating colors.  As you can see in the picture the sun was about an hour old.  Enough side light to wake up the river, burn off the fog and  like the volume switch on your stereo watch it turn up the fall reds, oranges and yellows  in the trees.  Not long after arriving a large pileated woodpecker flew above and landed on a branch and began to pluck insects from the tree.  In a motion that was both impressively powerful and graceful.  Ravens screeched from the distance, deer rustled in the brush in search of some grass to graze, other birds start to trumpet and their songs echo down the river valley.  After tying on the winning streamer-I cast.  I cast and I cast.  Probably thousands of time to the same brown trout that I would never see.  I  cover over a half mile of stream wading with the current.  A 4 hour wade.  Working both sides of the river, crystal clear and cool.  The water so crystal clear with flashes of red, orange and yellow floating by-leaves that have fallen in the water.  Flat calm.  The only other sound other than mother nature is the whip of the rod as I back cast and present my fly to the northern Michigan brown my stream slaps down on the water and drifts with the current.  Not even a trickle as the water flows past my waders.

No, I didn't tie on.  There was no tug, no fight, no dramatic suspense filled fishing story to be told.  Just a half mile wade and a half mile hike back to the truck.  I did go fishing but never even felt a bump.  I got skunked.  But, I wasn't mad, disturbed, angry, shamed nor did I curse or spit into the river.   I was humbled, at peace, absorbed in my tranquil surroundings, my soul was quiet, my breath was slow and long and my heart beats were strong but far apart.  I was relaxed.  The sheer solitude of being immersed in something so free flowing and thoughtless as a river in the morning just brings me back to the center that I get away from sometimes.  It allows me to be ok with making mistakes, with the anxiety of uncertainty and with the doubt that comes with decision making.  Because there are no wrong decisions in life.  Only how we feel about them.  A lot can be said for the way I feel.  But, on mornings like this there are no words.  Just a blanket to cover the dark shadow thoughts that can flow through ones mind.  A river to cleanse and bring peace to the soul for a short period of time.  To reset and move forward.